The War of Idiots Orange vs Purple Chronicles
by Admiral Toto
Summary: Tired of the same boring red vs blue wannabes? Want to read a seriously funny and enjoyable story of newbs attempting to have a war? Read now and you shall enter a world where the word "newb" is redefined!


Note: DUDE! They knocked off my story because of the scrip thing. Argh! I should have known. Anyways, a special thanks to **sharpshooter one two five** and **He who doth review your fic **for attempting to warn me. I actually thought you guys were saying that based on your opinion. My apologies. And I want to again thank **Kungpoo **for continuing to support my writing. Hey, I don't want to sound like a review-whore ( but I think I am anyway) but could you three great ones send in reviews after reading this new revisioned story? I need to see if its ok and if it fits the guidelines. Plus, I think I lost your reviews when the story was deleted. This goes to all you young (and possibly old) people reading this story. Just one review. Takes like five seconds. Completely rocks my day and makes me dance and wiggle for three complete minutes ( I do that, seriously). Send reviews and the humor shall continue!

Good, so you have taken the first step of acceptance by actually clicking the link to this page. Now, Here is the story of some of the greatest newbs ever. First off is a profile of the orange team.

Name: Tony Wu 

Referred nickname: Mr. Toto

" We all are newbs, but I am the head of newbs. Praise me."

Armor color: Orange

Weapon: Anything that can kill.

Character: Attempts to be the leader and being funny with metaphors. Usually fails at both.

Name: Ben Rodriguez 

Referred nickname: Lil'Chief

" If you start shit you pretty much ask/ I bring out my pistols so fast/put it on me to finish da task/ of poppin' a cap in yo ass, BITCH!"

Armor color: Black

Weapon: Loves smgs, pistols and anything that makes him feel like a gangster.

Character: Gangster, rapper/punk

Name: George Huang 

Referred nickname: Mr. Happy

" Just take off that armor nice and slow, then give me a hug!"

Armor color: Pink

Weapon: Needlers ( cause they're pink and shiny!)

Character: The only gay soldier who is part of the Gay-straight alliance at home

Name: Billy Hymen 

Referred nickname: Smart ASS

" If it ain't dead, then its alive. If it ain't alive, then it ain't breathin'. And if you ain't sure, one shotgun shell in the face should get the latter solution."

Armor color: red

Weapon: Shotgun

Character: Worked as a farmer on one of the colonies. Likes to use common sense.

On Coagulation, at the red base three men are seen painting the lights orange. "There! Now we are officially the orange team! No other color shall surpass the one that we wear!" yells Mr. Toto. "You mean what you wear fool" growls Lil' Chief as he begins to violently splash paint all over the walls.

"Fine. That I wear. But what we all represent". Lil' Chief abruptly turns and faces Mr. Toto. "I represent black," he snarls. " I am proud of my ancestors, who not only got civil rights and respect in da old days, but most importantly, invented one of the best styles of music on this world!

"Are you even African American?". Lil' Chief blinks. " Does it matter?"

"Oh fickles!" yells Smart ass as he spills paint on himself. "What's wrong Billy?" cries Mr. Toto as he rushes over to inspect his comrade. Smart ass sighs and points at his crotch. "I spilled some paint on my goodies. Now my jewels are a visible target to the enemy."

George, who has been viewing the scope on his sniper rifle, quickly turns his head. He examines the accident for several minutes before he speaks. "That orange, it just amplifies the true beauty in all people. I feel so enlightened by such a rare sight." He begins to quiver as he continues to stare at Smart ass's crotch.

" Shit!" yells Lil' Chief. "Are you acting gay?" Mr. Happy looks over at Lil' Chief. " I am just the true doctor of love," he sighs. " I care not what you think of my profession." " Hell no!" screams Lil' Chief. " I got some gay guy in the same crib! If you as so much get near my ass, I'll pop a cap in yours!"

" Lil' Chief!" yells Mr. Toto. "That's enough bull! This man is one of the few honored Gay-straight alliance members to have joined our heroic cause!" "Which is?" questions Lil' Chief. " All we've done is painted gay colors on this gay base in the middle of a gay desert! This is so gay!"

" Hey now," mutters Mr. Happy. " I find that offensive." Lil' Chief puts up his hands in his preparation for his rap. " I make it offensive, you on the defensive/ hence if you piss me off I'll make it even more extensive/ You actin' pensive/ On words that prove your so god damn sensitive/ so senseless."

" Private," barks Mr. Toto. " I do not want that display of ebonics every again in my presence!" Mr. Happy whirls around and begins to shake with excitement. "I heard privates. Did you mean as…?" Mr. Toto sighs. "I'm not gay George." " You don't have to be," Mr. Happy counters. Suddenly, smart ass butts into the conversation. " Back on my day, we had them dogs. Both of them had little wieners and liked to romp around and stuff. I thought they was pals until one day when they…"

"Shut up Billy!" yells Mr. Toto. " I see that no one has a true understanding of the reason of this war!" Lil' Chief begins to rant. "To pop some shit! If they isn't poppin shit, then we's a poppin shit. Them fellas better stop actin wussy and shit cause I got my big shit that'll shoot the shit out of them bastards."

" My, my that was a lot of swear words in there. It would have been so much better if you had replaced every single one of those bad words with 'poop'." "Shit smells, don't it?" inquired Smart ass.

"Alright! I think everyone needs to take a little nap right now!" All the soldiers stare at Mr. Toto. " Naps are for hoes!" grunts Lil' Chief. " Real men go out there and kick or take booty!"

" Who ever isn't in bed in twenty seconds will have to share their bed with Mr. Happy! And I'm not kidding!" Scrambling is heard as the three soldiers quickly settle down for their sleep.

"Night," yawns Lil' Chief

"Good night," grumbles Smart ass.

"Night," says Mr. Toto.

" Darn," mutters Mr. Happy.


End file.
